Since Sarge is going to be off playing International Man of Mystery, globetrottin’, kissin’ girls, and gettin’ in all sorts of double-OH!-seven, super-top-secret Army shenanigans for the next month (you know, the kind that require spiffy ties, a pair of Oakleys, and a Bowie knife strapped to yer ankle), it’s just going to be me and those weird hairy-legged guys with deep voices with whom I cohabitate.  It should be wicked fun.

Hang on a sec.  You mean to tell me that my wife just got up before dawn to catch a flight alone, at a civilian airport, to go do Army stuff with nary a uniform on his person? WAIT A MINUTE!  (in my best Peter Griffin voice).

Oh, did I mention he’s going to Hawaii?  Yeah, I think someone’s tryina pull one over on me. Granted, his job is called Civil……(wait for it)…..Affairs!  Get it? GET IT?!  Nevermind….I gotta go pull his clothes out of his chest of drawers so my boyfriend can move in.

Oh, and you know how as soon as you turn off the shower you realize you’re still peeing, so you have to turn the shower back on for a few seconds so you don’t have pee running down your leg?  Yeah, that’s how my day’s going so far.  And I cut myself shaving for the first time since I was prepubescent.  Sweet.

I don’t think I’m gonna paint shit this time, but I really need to find something to do for the next month besides peeing in the shower.  Any ideas?