Jake- “Hey, mom. What would you do if your son walked into the living room dressed in women’s clothes?”

Me- “Well, I guess it depends on the age. How old are we talking?”

Jake- “Teenager.”

Me- “Well, I certainly wouldn’t put it past you or your brother.”

Jake- “Yeah, you’re right. We’d probably do that. Okay, toddler.”

Me- “You’ve already done that. Shall I remind you of the time you and Andrew came strutting out of my bedroom wearing my underwear and bras and saying ‘Look mom! We’re womens!”

Jake- “Oh, right. Okay, well, what if you were a normal mom and you had normal teenage boys and they walked into the living room with women’s clothes on?”

Me- “I’m NOT normal. And you and your brother aren’t normal. We’re better than normal. So, if you’re asking me what I would do if I were boring or ignorant, then I don’t know. Because I’m not. And neither are you. If you’re trying to ask me what I would do if I found out that my teenage son was a crossdresser, gay, or just thought Victoria’s Secret fit him better than Hanes, I’d probably just offer to buy him his own clothes so he wouldn’t have to wear mine. Anything else you want to know?”

Jake- “So, basically, there’s nothing I could do that would shock you.”

Me- “Sweetheart, I taught you how to put on eyeliner. If you just want to shock me, you’re going to have to try a lot harder than sexual ambiguity. Actually, you and your brother have both already shocked your dad and me more than anything you could do purposely.”

Jake- “And how’s that?”

Me- “You guys are fucking awesome. We honestly didn’t know if it was possible for the two of us to produce anything that awesome, so we were pretty shocked to find out that you were already born that way. All we had to do was keep your fingers out of the electrical sockets and feed you every once in a whilee. And BAM! Pure fucking awesomeness.”

Jake- “What’s new? I’m already very much aware of the level of my awesomeness. I’m just trying to figure out yours.”

Me- “Smartass. That was supposed to be a mother/son bonding moment there, Einstein.”

[After a couple hours of stewing on his last comment, which I excluded from my original post because I’d forgotten he said it and didn’t see the significance anyway.]

Me- “Okay, you’ve officially succeeded in getting into my head. NOBODY gets into my head!”

Jake- “I know. Are you shocked?”

Me- “FRICK! Shut up…..”